Next Level Blog
Simple, practical, applicable
Something Positive You Can Do December 4 2009
As I write this on Friday, I’m thinking back on the serious and crazy events of the last week or so. The first few that come to mind are President Obama’s speech on the troop increase in Afghanistan, the White House jobs summit, the White House party crashers and the whole Tiger Woods debacle. If all you focused on was this kind of stuff, a person could get sort of down.
Fortunately, I’m at the annual meeting of the International Coach Federation in Orlando this week and there are a lot of other things to pay attention to. I just attended what was probably the best session of the conference for me which was a talk on the “Science of Coaching with Positivity” by Barbara Fredrickson who is the Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina. She’s also the author of Positivity
Fredrickson’s research shows that positive emotions are inherently impermanent. That presents a challenge for all of us since her research also shows that in order to show up at our best cognitively, socially, psychologically and physically, we need a ratio of at least three positive inputs for every one negative input. She offers an entire tool kit for building positivity in her book and offers some free tools online at www.positivityratio.com.
For now, here’s one thing she shared with us this morning that you can try with someone you care about (e.g. co-worker, teammate, child, life partner). Fredrickson’s research shows that gratitude is a game changer in transforming relationships. It turns out, though, that there is a right way and a wrong way to say thanks. Let’s start with the wrong way. Don’t thank someone for doing something and then immediately start talking about how it benefits you. Instead, when you thank someone put the focus on them and talk about how what they did for you is reflective of the larger qualities that you appreciate in them. The example that Fredrickson gave was a husband who thanked his wife for bringing a lemon square home for him from an office party. He didn’t talk about how much he loved lemon squares (even though he did); he talked about how her bringing home the lemon square was an example of how thoughtful she is.
So, in the midst of this crazy and stressful world we live in, I encourage you to look for some opportunities today to spread some positivity. Go find someone who’s done something you appreciate and offer them a high quality “thank you.” They’ll feel better and so will you.
Cheers.
Scott Eblin is an executive coach, speaker and author of 
Scott,
Thank you for this post. It's very easy in today's hectic world to not stop and give a heartfelt "thanks" to those around us who go above and beyond their normal duties whether at work, church, social arenas or home. Many times that little 6 letter word can do so much good while not saying can be exponentially damaging.
I've found the gratitude approach to be so true, Scott. When I carry it out with the emphasis on the other person, it is the game changer like you said. BTW, I have to limit my media watching or I do tend to go towards the dark side, so to speak. I think that's a large part of why those who watch television constantly tend to be more negative and depressed. Anyway, thanks for the great reminder … I'll check out these links.
Shirley
What was it the Apostle Paul said, "Whatever is good, pure, noble, etc., think about these things." (A big paraphrase there obviously.) Thinking about both of your points, Rick and Shirley, we definitely have more capacity to say thanks in a meaningful way if we keep our mind on the good things.