Next Level Blog
Simple, practical, applicable
You Like Me, You Really Like Me April 18 2011
One of the most e-mailed articles on the New York Times website the past couple of days has been an article by David Carr on how it seems to be acceptable behavior to text someone else while you’re in a conversation with an actual live person who is in the room with you. Carr, the media reporter for the Times, noticed this in buckets when he attended the annual South by Southwest Conference in Austin this year.
I think Carr’s article has struck a chord because lots of folks are tired of being treated as if they don’t matter. In coaching busy and highly focused executives over the years, I’ve worked with a lot of people who are secretly concerned with whether or not their co-workers and team members like them.
Here’s the magic secret to making people like you. Treat them like they matter. If you’re looking for more details about how to do that, here are five ideas that are relatively easy to do and likely to make a difference.
1. Ask people to talk about things they care about. Could be family, hobbies, where they grew up or what they did over the weekend.
2. Listen to their answers and ask follow up questions.
3. Follow steps one and two at either the beginning or end of a business conversation. Ask one or two more questions than you normally would. You’ll be amazed at what that does for connection building.
4. Smile more. Most focused people look really serious. A serious look is easy to read as “ticked off.” Make it a habit to look people in the eye and smile when you see them.
5. Get away from your computer and put your devices away when talking with people. If it’s in front of you, you’re going to look at it. Remove the temptation.
Is any of this leadership rocket science? Uh, no. It’s all pretty simple stuff. It’s the simple stuff that usually works best. They’re the things that are relatively easy to do and likely to make a difference.
What other tips do you have for leaders who secretly want to be liked?
Scott Eblin is an executive coach, speaker and author of 
Scott, You do know how to push buttons on this one.
Here are two more tips I can think of for leaders and anyone else.
If you MUST cancel an appointment, offer an alternative date and time.
If you do answer a call, don't apologize for answering the call and then continue with the phone conversation.
Great adds Camille. Thanks!
I am guilty of doing it myself, though I stick to only with friends who know that I mean no offense. I tend to be a good multitasker. But in professional environments, or with new people who don't understand, I have to say that I can't imagine a worse behavioral attribute than talking to someone else while someone is talking to you.
If you aren't interested in them, or why will they be interested in you? Great post, thank you!
C
More specifically for #5, I advise clients to position their computer opposite to their guest chair, so as to remove the temptation. That way they have to have their back to the computer when talking to someone in their office. Or like a policeman would say, "Step away from the keyboard"
Great point Christian and, Mark, let's add in our best authoritative cop voice, "Put the iPhone down!"
Cheers –
Scott
I know people who do this ALL the time. Whether in a conversation or chatting over a meal, they will be typing away on their cell phone. It's incredibly rude and annoying. I even mentioned it to them while they were doing it and they don't think it's a big deal. People can be so rude and clueless these days. It seems like nothing can change them.