Scott Eblin is an executive coach, speaker and author of 
Leading Through a Loss August 21 2012
The beautiful dog in the photo is my family’s Collie, Shades. A couple of weeks ago, Shades’ hip dysplasia and a respiratory condition took a turn for the worse and, with the counsel of our wonderful vet, Dr. Thorndike, we decided to put him down last weekend.
If you’ve owned a dog that’s become part of your family, I don’t have to tell you how hard the last couple of weeks have been for us. Shades came to our house as a puppy in 2001 just a week before 9/11. He was an immense source of comfort that year and, as our sons grew up, was a catalyst in strengthening my relationship with my boys through our nightly dog walks. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with my boys took place on our walks with Shades in the dark of night.
We were fortunate to be able to be together as a family last week to let Shades know how much we loved him and to say our goodbyes. Needless to say, I’ve been thinking a lot about loss these past couple of weeks and as I thought about what to write about this week, the subject of leading through a loss naturally came to mind.
If you’re a leader for any length of time, the odds are you will eventually have to lead your organization through a loss. It could be a horrific tragedy like 9/11, something as common as the death of a co-worker or any number of events between those two ends of the spectrum. Like anything else you do as a leader, preparation matters. While the nature of a loss might be unexpected, the likelihood that you’ll have to lead your organization through a loss should be completely expected. Here are some thoughts to help you prepare for when it happens:
Focus on the People – When you’re leading people through a loss, your focus needs to turn to them and what they need. Do things that reinforce a sense of community. Create opportunities for people to connect with each other. Stay flexible and be aware that different people will need different things in the early hours and days. Leading through loss is a leadership moment of truth. It will define for people who you really are. Be mindful of that by focusing on them.
Create Space to Remember – In his classic book, Managing Transitions
Provide Meaningful Work – One of the most inspiring stories I read after 9/11 was about Howard Lutnick, the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald, the trading firm that lost most of its employees when the towers collapsed. The night after the attacks, he called the surviving members of his management team and presented a choice – they could close the firm or they could rebuild it to take care of their victims’ families. They chose the latter and succeeded because they had a larger purpose in mind. After the shock of loss, people need work that can help them move forward. Part of the job of a leader is to define that work.
Based on your own experience and observation, what other advice do you have for leaders to prepare to lead in a time of loss?
I am a veterinarian and I live on the other side of the syringe. People often say they feel silly for feeling such grief when their pet dies. The loss of a pet can be as emotionally painful as any other loss. I think our jobs are to honor people's grief as real and necessary, regardless of the transition they are navigating. That is why "I hold close this quote by Jung: "Learn your theories as well as you can, but put them aside when you touch the miracle of the living soul."
Hi Eric –
Thanks so much for the heartfelt and informed perspective. I loved your quote from Carl Jung. Here's a question for you – while I have great appreciation for what you and your colleagues do on the other side of the syringe, I can't imagine how you have the capacity to do that on a regular basis. How do you do it?
All the best –
Scott
Leading a small group of employees during a time of unprecedented layoffs, I often had to resist the urge to minimize their/our losses. Wanting to be strong, wanting to hold up that we can make do despite the losses, I would at times point out that "We can do it." What was hard was acknowledging the loss of what people had contributed.
I approved the one layoff in my group. It had to be. And I knew that we could, in various ways, absorb her work. But with her went part of the history of our work group. I'm really the new guy, hired on, having moved a long way, to manage a group of people to do elements of a job I used to do by myself with one and sometimes two employees. But I used to do it in a different place, and on a smaller scale.
Sometimes simple gratitude, especially in a time of loss, is a very humbling challenge to fully embrace. That's leadership. And for the vet above, thank God there are people who can–and who want to–be a part of those times of transition, whether to joy or to sadness.
Hey Tom
So good to hear from you. Thanks for sharing your comment. I used to work with an exec who said that if you didn't lose sleep over having to let someone go, there's something wrong with you. As you point out so well, the impact and the loss of a teammate can have a broad impact.
Take care
Scott
Hi Scott:
Beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending healing thoughts to you, Diane and the boys.
People and relationships are everything. Bringing people together and connecting is what makes life fun and interesting. A skilled leader has the ability to help people recover through a loss and keep people focused. Its not easy but it can be done. Investing time to talk to people and have them open up is important. Nice job Scott
Great advice. Leading through a time of loss is the hardest task for a leader. Not only do we have to keep everyone united, but we have to overcome any personal grief without letting it hurt the others. Thank you for the blog post.
Human doctors would do well to think more along these lines – and that's no indictment of them, after all, they're human and dealing with human lives that are roughly the same, and so tend not to accept death. There's a great New Yorker article where a doctor discusses how he's not even sure how to answer the question "am I dying" anymore, given modern technology and the gray areas here. ____Anyway, I have long lived with cats and dogs and understand this kind of loss intimately, even though I don't mean to say I know any one person's own specific circumstances. @Scott Eblin, thanks for this column both as practical management advice and for speaking candidly of your loss, and I wish you and your family the best in recovering well and quickly as is reasonably possible.