Next Level Blog
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Let Me Entertain Me: Three Ways To Tame Your Inner Smart Aleck May 4 2011
As the reporting on the operation against Osama bin Laden unfolds, a good bit has been made of the poker face aspect of President Obama artfully delivering one liners at the White House Correspondents Dinner the night before the raid. You can watch Obama’s routine here. (Be sure to look for his crack about how Donald Trump’s firing decisions on the Celebrity Apprentice are the kinds of issues that would keep him up at night. Ouch.)
When I went to bed on Sunday night, my plan for the Monday morning blog post was to peg off of the Correspondents Dinner to make some points about the perils and pitfalls of being a smart aleck at work. Needless to say, it turned out there were more important things to write about on Monday. Still, I hate to let a good topic go to waste, so let’s talk about it a little bit.
The Correspondents Dinner is one of the few regular events where being an overt smart aleck is literally and figuratively applauded. It’s sort of like a roast and the zingers fly. The best ones singe but don’t burn. (Although you could argue that Trump may have needed some first aid following the dinner.) The smart aleck sarcasm is appreciated when everyone comes together for that purpose and expects it. It’s not so appreciated when it’s a part of the regular routine at work.
That’s especially true for leaders at any level. As a recovering smart aleck leader myself (perhaps like other addictions, you can never fully claim recovery), I’ve been the perpetrator, the victim and the innocent bystander of a wisecrack that hit too close to the nerve or not knowing when to stop with the sarcasm. Because leaders are always on stage, they set the tone and mood for everyone around them. A little humor from the leader can be a good thing to lighten the mood. But when it goes too far or turns nasty, it can suck the air right out of the room.
Why do some leaders indulge themselves in being a smart aleck and what can they do to prevent it? Based on my own experience as a perpetrator of humor with too much of an edge, I’ve noticed that I engage it in when I’m stressed or frustrated with a situation that I think is stupid or beyond my control. Making smart aleck remarks is a stress reliever (only in that exact moment, it can quickly become a stress inducer) and it gives me a small, false sense of control. It’s a base way of entertaining myself. Hence, the title of this post, “Let Me Entertain Me.” If you’re entertained by my sarcasm, that’s fine, but it’s not really about you. It’s about me. Not pretty, but true.
I suspect I’m not the only one with this development opportunity so what can a leader do to moderate the smart aleck remarks that are out of their mouths before they even knew they were in their brains? Here are three things that have worked for me:
Know Your Triggers: Over the years, I’ve started to see the patterns in situations that trigger my sarcasm. If I can recognize those triggers, I stand a better chance of catching myself before I say something I wish I hadn’t.
Get Your Rest: I’m much more likely to pop off when I’m mentally or physically tired. It’s important for me to take care of my energy level and give myself some time for rest and recovery. That’s especially true after I’ve been “on stage” for an extended period of time without a break.
Get Up on the Balcony: I find I’m more likely to say snarky things when I’m right in the center of the action. It’s what Harvard’s Ron Heifetz refers to as the dance floor. When you’re dancing really fast, you can tend to lose your perspective. When I notice myself in that situation, I try to pull back and observe the situation from what Ron calls the balcony perspective. I’ve found that a great way to get up on the balcony is to shut up and listen.
OK, I’ve bared my soul here today and shared my deep, dark secrets of being a recovering smart aleck. Please tell me I’m not the only one! What are your stories? What do you do to keep yourself under control?
Scott Eblin is an executive coach, speaker and author of 
You're not the only one, but then again, we don't need your help;)
Gulp… As one who has been labeled as being afflicted with "terminal smart mouth", I found your post uncomfortably close to home. Well done, Scott.
Bill Catlette
Scott,
I remember, it happened about 20 years ago, a higher-up made sarcastic written remarks on input from a colleague on a collaborative work item, and the sarcastic piece (not the intended collaborative item) was shotgunned via fax to everyone. It was a huge embarassment. Lesson Learned: don't write sarcasm, ever, the distribution can go far and wide.
Jay
Scott, You are not the only one. I have learned to stop myself when I feel a surge of sarcasm entering the back of my throat by remembering a comment made at least 10 years ago. Shortly after uttering what I always thought was my acerbic wit, a very close friend made an announcement. "This is Camille, and we all know how she is, but we love her anyway."
That was my wake-up call.
OMG! And here I thought I was the only one. Thanks to all the commenters for sharing your hard won lessons and for making me feel a little more normal!
Great post Scott!
I am such a smart-ass whenever I can be, but there is definitely a time to tone things down and get to work (ie when you're at work, or a work function). The key is knowing your audience, I think, because in small groups at work, provided it's not one of your subordinates, I think a little bs'ing is all in order, provided that audience is happy with doing so.
Loved this post. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day, and mentioned that when I'm tired, or when I am at center stage I tend to offer sarcasm and sometimes inappropriate humor. Great points about getting rest, listening, and knowing your audience.
Our former CEO used to make snarky comments quite often. For those who were on the receiving end, it quickly eliminated any sense of loyalty they had to him. A few of those who weren't on the receiving end apparently thought his comments were acceptable and continue to engage in the same behavior, seemingly blind to how much their actions are undermining the respect they've worked to build.
Like reading about myself in a mirror… Sarcasm can be a wonderful tool and weapon, when used appropriately, but like any weapon you need to watch for collateral damage. The key for me is to check my intent before I make the comment. If I'm stressed, irritated, or generally annoyed – don’t make the comment.
Years ago (before the internet), I received an unsolicited faxed resume from someone about to leave the Army to go into the private sector. I told him that I couldn't use his services but that I'd be happy to forward it to a few people who might be able to make use of his talents. I also offered a "by the way," (as in "By the way, it's Ms., not Mr…" and some constructive comments (such as, most of us don't like to receive unsolicited fax resumes, better to send them via the mail). The response I got back was so sarcastic I called the people I'd sent his resume to and told them not to bother with him.
Glad I read this tonight. I'm in a "bad attitude" mode about some things happening in my work. Big presentation on Monday. I think I'll stay under control.
Like many other respondants to your blog, I fit the description to a tee. It's an ugly image in the mirror you just put in front of me. Interestingly, the advice you give for dealing with this is the same advice I give my clients when addressing interpersonal behavior issues. I guess in my case, I need to take my own advice. Thanks for the reminder!
Great post Scott! I used to be known as "The Cut Down Queen" in my earlier years. Fortunately, I realized along the way how hurtful it was and put the brakes on it through my own self monitoring. I later had a VP boss who was very funny but also made a lot of enemies with his remarks. In the end, it did not serve him when budget cuts came along and I saw how political it can become. I love your awareness of your triggers. Humor can be a great tool or a weapon. Great suggestions by others.
Hi everyone –
I am overwhelmed and so appreciative of all of your comments on this post. In particular, I appreciate all of the transparency and self-awareness that many of you expressed. We can always be better!
Cheers –
Scott